Breaking News: The Dirge Kidnaps All Mechanics While Starring On Australia’s Next Top Office.
This is Chuck Fiddlesticks with the latest. While proving the early front runner on Not Flick’s Australia’s Next Top Office, the supervillain known only as ‘the Dirge’ has struck again, this time targeting mechanics across the country. If you were in need of alternator repair or car servicing, you’re unfortunately out of luck, since the Dirge has forced all mechanics to enter his servitude at his castle, under the administration of his assistant villain, Mr Dark McBane. I’m hearing that the Dirge has done all this in his spare time while building the finest office Melbourne has ever seen.
If this is true, then we might have to crown the Dirge Supervillain of the Year for the third time in a row. This is truly a remarkable achievement, especially since his part on Next Top Office is a full-time commitment. Entrusting this work to his assistant is truly genius.
This is Dr Dark McBane (notice the letters ‘d’ and ‘r’ at the front. I did not do a PhD in biomedical science to be called ‘Mr’). I have hacked into the Channel 17 website to give this announcement. The Dirge is a fraud. It was I who invented the Brakes Breaker 7000, unleashing it after getting new brakes within Midlands! He can’t even talk in the first person. How do you expect him to invent a device like that? I am not his assistant. I want to make that perfectly clear. We now return you to your regularly scheduled garbage.
Well, in all our time of blogging the news, I’ve never seen anything like that. There you have it, folks. It looks like the Dirge’s assistant is trying to claim credit for his evil plan. It sounds like he’s quite jealous of his boss if you ask me.
I am not jealous! This was my evil plan. The Dirge couldn’t add two and two together, just ask him! (It’s four, in case he begs you to tell him).
This is just sad and desperate. Well, I don’t think there’s much more to report. This is Chuck Fiddlesticks. Stay tuned for more breaking news.