No Pineapple Homes

Every morning, I wake up and do my daily clarinet practice. It’s a great ten minutes before my neighbour Bob begins his day with that monstrously loud alarm of his. Then he and his friend Pat run around the street trying to catch butterflies as if they were ten-year-old children. They drive me crazy. Absolutely crazy. For just one day, I’d like to not hear that lunatic’s laughter bouncing around the street. To make matters worse, I work with the guy! I literally cannot escape Bob and his annoying existence. He’s always laughing or saying something stupid, whether it’s while he’s cooking burgers or knocking on my door.

It has been driving me so crazy that I spoke to a buyer’s agent for Hampton property and asked him to find me an affordable home anywhere that they don’t have houses made in the shape of pineapples. I’d like to live in a town full of people like me who love painting and playing music. That would be my dream life. I wouldn’t ever have to hear that obnoxious laugh again. But of course, I’ll probably be stuck here my entire life. My curse is to see Bob every day until eventually, I taste the sweet release of whatever life comes next.

Don’t even get me started on Pat. He’s so dumb that you could say he literally lives under a rock. Wherever I live next, it won’t have any rock homes, either. Maybe I’ll have to expand my search, but I’m sure there will be some buyer’s advocates working in the Melbourne area who can find me the perfect home where there are no Bobs and Pats. I would pay double the amount of money in my budget to get a house away from those two buffoons. Then I can begin my real life and my journey toward being an internationally famous clarinet player. That certainly isn’t going to happen while those two distract me every few minutes.