Red Riding Hood, Upgraded

tree removalI haven’t even reached middle-age yet, and even I thought fairy tales growing up were just a little bit lame. A girl who can’t tell that a wolf is actually her grandmother? How stupid do you have to be to not figure that one out? Oh, and that princess who finds all the dwarves living alone in the woods is totally ridiculous. What’s the point of mining if there’s no stable economy? And seven bachelors all living together when they all have stable jobs? Nothing about the whole situation rang true for me, none at all. It’s the same for all the fairy tales, which is why they all need to be updated.

We still kind of have jobs that match up, I guess. People still do mining, just not so much for precious jewels. And I know for a fact that there are people, even in my local area of Clayton; tree removal people who are basically the same as that woodcutter who keeps showing up in all those fairy tales and saving the day with their…axe. In the update, they’d do it with chainsaws and precision tools for cutting down certain types of tree. I mean, really. Just imagine your grandmother has been swallowed by a wolf. That entire situation would require a major update, because nowadays we have far less trouble with wild animals and even if your grandmother lives in the woods and does all her grocery shopping online (and thus has it delivered right to her door), everyone at least has some sort of home security. A lock, a peephole, an alarm in some cases. A wolf isn’t smart enough to pull off a heist like that.

Maybe this one is a bust. But it’d have to have Grandma calling in the tree removal people. Ormond has plenty of forest, so maybe she lives there. The con man puts her in the cupboard, tried to scam the impressionable young girl out of her stock options and finally the tree removal guy runs in and saves the day, because…ah, it needs work. But it’s not like the original was really that much better.