Bernard and Cars

Bernard the All-Powerful Wizard (Bernie, for short) had found the perfect solution to destroy two birds with one stone. The first bird: his mild case of existential contemplation. He wanted to clarify to himself that it wasn’t an existential crisis. He was far too powerful to have a meltdown; he had already had plenty of those at the start of his existence.

The very thing that would give his life some new meaning was the same that was responsible for his second problem: his boredom. Bernie had decided to buy a second-hand car. The issue was that he had little to no automotive experience, other than knowing that the machines ran on tyres instead of hooves.

His boredom grew from the many hours he had researched transmission types, diesel tuning services and diagrams of car engines. Whilst he would never admit to his many centuries of existence making him stupid, he did struggle to take it all in.

That was what made him book a car service near Seaford. Despite his ability to teleport, he chose the closest suburb to him. He didn’t have the energy to be casting spells after a night of heavy ‘research’.

Armed with his Hawaiian button-up shirt, orange sunglasses and flip-flops, he made his way to the closest mechanic shop within walking distance. He hoped that he had enough energy to drain the knowledge from the best auto electrician. Seaford was right near his home, but he wasn’t used to moving his body off the sun lounge chair. 

He silently cursed his propensity for levitating drinks over to him instead of walking to get them as his joints cried out in pain. All he had to do was get to the workshop, brainwash the mechanic and transfer their automotive knowledge to himself. Then, he could attend the car inspection, drive home in style and return to his sun chair. 

If everything went according to plan, the only thought in his mind for the next few months would be which sunny location to cruise to next.