• termite control
  • The Bedbug Holiday

    Mum made us swear we wouldn’t tell anyone about needing professional bed bug exterimators. Frankston had been particularly warm in Spring, we’d had lots of hot nights and at first, we thought it was just heat rash. ‘What are those red spots on your arm Matt?’ Mum asked, twisting Matt’s forearm under the fluorescent kitchen […]

  • aluminium
  • How About an Old-Fashioned Soap?

    Look, I know I’m still in my twenties and I shouldn’t be complaining about how things were ‘back in the old days’, but I’m still old enough to remember when soap operas were about real life. Mum used to LOVE Next Door People, back before their stories went way over the top, and I was […]

  • aluminium
  • My New Platform Friend?

    Happens to the best of us. Talk to a girl online for two years, arrange to meet up and find out that she’s actually a really lonely fifty-year-old guy. Like, I saw face pics and everything. Whose face was that, anyway? Does he know that’s identity fraud? Although this explain, like, SO much. Not that […]

  • Beauty
  • Aggression For the Sake of Beauty

    It’s true, I’m a little bit militant with my beauty tactics. That’s why I broke away from the industry in the end: too many people who were content to set up a beauty clinic and expect people to come to them. I know that’s how business works, but it never made me content. So many […]

  • Trees
  • Swing that Tree Felling Axe

    Is it just me, or are job interviews getting harder? Used to be that you’d wear a tie, sit in a chair, answer some questions and that would be the decider over whether you had a long a prosperous future with this country. Yeah, seems kind of lacking now that I think about it, but […]

  • Property
  • Take My Free House, Someone

    I like to think that I’m financially secure. Doesn’t everyone? I know I’ve been blessed with a great amount of…blessings, and I’d like to give some back to the community. Thing is, no one seems to want any of it. No, really: I’ve been standing on street corners and asking folks if they’d like a […]

  • Trees
  • Red Riding Hood, Upgraded

    I haven’t even reached middle-age yet, and even I thought fairy tales growing up were just a little bit lame. A girl who can’t tell that a wolf is actually her grandmother? How stupid do you have to be to not figure that one out? Oh, and that princess who finds all the dwarves living […]